Conflict Resolution in M/s

OUR NEXT MEETING
• Date: Sunday, July 10, 2011
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

-as always, these thoughts are my own and in no way represent MAsT Metro or any of its members-

“Picket lines and picket signs. Don’t punish me with brutality. Come on, talk to me so you can see what’s going on.” Marvin Gaye

Conflict resolution in M/s? Why? Shouldn’t it be simple, that the Master orders and the slave obeys? Where’s the conflict? What’s going on?

M/s is about the real world, not roleplay. And in the real world, there are misunderstandings. There are things that seem unfair. There are hurt feelings.

When this occurs, instead of becoming angry and having our anger manifest itself in negative behavior that upsets the Household, we can turn our textbooks to five classic conflict resolutions:

1)Accommodation – surrender one’s own needs and wishes for the common good.

This sounds fine and dandy. Aren’t we all supposed to be altruistic? But in an LTR, resentment is easily built up when one partner believes that they only give and receive nothing in return.

2)Avoidance – avoid or postpone conflict by ignoring it.

Things don’t usually fix themselves, in fact they often get worse.

3)Collaboration – work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. This option requires trust, respect and communication.

Even with a common goal, that of the Master’s vision, problems will occur. The more people in the Household, these problems can accelerate exponentially. Therefore, for long term success, this would appear to be a good strategy.

4)Compromise – bring the problem into the open and reach agreement.

Compromise may well come into play. But it is hardly the focal point of negotiation.

5)Competition – assert one’s viewpoint at the expense of another.

That is just doomed to failure, unless the Master has an endless supply of slaves.

i’m looking forward to some great ideas and viewpoints at the meeting. Our Chapter has the diversity that MAsT International espouses and makes us the envy of other chapters.

james

_________________________________________________________________

Coming Up August 7th,

Improving Service: Feedback and Review

Care and Maintenance of M/s Relationships

Presented by Sir Stephen and slave catherine

They present an overview of their personal histories and relationship and then
present their opinions about how to build, care for, and maintain M/s
relationships.

The importance of clarity in the definitions of such things as:

Our roles as Masters

Our roles as slaves

Structural elements in our relationships

Relationship goals

And more…

are discussed.

The use of protocols, rules, rituals and ceremonies as focal points for Masters
and slave are covered.

Audience participation is encouraged as a list of those aspects which contribute
positively to our M/s relationships is developed. Likewise, a list of
impediments is also created with the participation of the audience.

A workbook is distributed for participants’ future reference and use.

SIR STEPHEN is a 62 year old het, male Master whose M/s Household currently
includes his slave of 14 years, slave catherine, and other affiliated members –
slave shelly, slave cita, and slave justin.

He has been actively involved in the BDSM and Master/slave communities for over
14 years.

His current memberships and affiliations include:

Board member of MTTA,Inc.
Associate Producer, Master/slave Conference
Membership Director, MAsT: International
The Mid-Atlantic Masters’ Forum (founder and producer)
The Master/slave Development Center (founding member and instructor)
Emeritus Member of MAsT: Central NJ
Member MAsT: Philadelphia and MAsT: Edgewater Park, NJ
Founder of the M/s Household Registry (an on-line resource for the Master/slave
Community)

His prior memberships and affiliations include:

Founder of the annual Mid-Atlantic Masters’ Forum
A founding member of MAsT: Metro NY
Officer – MAsT: Metro NY (2002 – 2008)
Founding Member and Director MAsT: Central NJ (2005 – 2008)
Regional Representative MAsT: International (2007 – 2009)
Member of TES (The Eulenspiegel Society)
Member of DsF (Dom/sub Friends)
Member of NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom)

He was honored to be the recipient of the title of International Master 2005 and
Northeast Master 2004.

He was nominated in 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010 in various categories for
the Pantheon of Leather Awards.

OUR NEXT MEETING
• Date: Sunday, April 3, 2011
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

MAsT Metro NY presents: “M/s without BDSM”

After the meeting, we will continue our discussion, or just enjoy some social time, at Good Stuff Diner: 109 W. 14th St.

If you identify as Mistress/Master/Owner or slave/property, MAsT may be for you!

MAsT: Metro NY is a pan-sexual chapter serving the New York/Tri-State areas, which welcomes all genders and orientations.

MAsT exists as an education, support and resource group for individuals involved in, or interested in, the Master/slave lifestyle. MAsT provides an opportunity and forum for like-minded individuals to come together for discussion of issues that concern Masters and slaves, to share ideas and gain and/or share knowledge of the Master/slave lifestyle. MAsT meetings are not about SM skills/techniques or sex but focus on the relationship of the Owner/property or Master/slave dynamic.

OUR NEXT MEETING
• Date: Sunday, March 6, 2011
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

MAsT Metro NY presents: “Serving in M/s” Presented by Master Don & orja

In many M/s relationships, service is one of the primary components. In some M/s relationships, it IS the primary component. BDSM may take a back seat to those whose idea of service is what drives their relationships. How many ways are there to serve? How can service be kept fresh in long term relationships? What are the driving factors for those who serve and what do those they serve find so appealing? In this class, Master Don and orja will explore service and what role it takes in their relationship.

About Our Presenters
Master Don – Master Don’s journey in the lifestyle began in 1956 when he was eighteen years old. That journey of exploring and learning still continues to this day. Master Don believes we are never too old to acquire knowledge. He feels there is much to learn by attending workshops, presentations, seminars, and classes at various venues. As a retired educator he continues to help others explore and learn in their journey.

Master Don is or was a member of a number of groups and organizations over the years. Currently, the list includes MAsT DC Pan, BESS, Baltimore BDSM, Black Rose, BESS Power Exchange SIG, Northeast Dominants Forum, MAsT-Baltimore, MAsT Philadelphia, MAsT Washington, as well as several private discussion groups. He is currently the Chairman of the BESS Board of Directors and Deputy Director of MAsT-Baltimore. He and orja, his slave of almost fifteen years, have been presenters and/or panelists at the 2007 Black Rose XX event, BESS 2008, 2009 & 2010, the 2008 NDDs Boot Camp I, The Floating World 2008, the 2009 NDDs Boot Camp II, MAsT Philadelphia, the Master/slave Conference 2007, 2008, 2009, Winter Solstice 2010, and 2010 Central PA Alternative Expressions. He was honored to be a part of the 2010 Master/slave Conference and the 2010 Northeast Region Master/slave Contest. Winning the contest, Master Don is the 2010 Northeast Region Master.

orja – is the slave of Master Don. Her experience in the lifestyle covers some sixteen years. Master Don and orja have been together 24/7 for almost fifteen years. She has a B.S. in education and her membership in various diversified groups and organizations, past and present, mirrors those of Master Don. orja is a member of the Executive Board of MAsT-Baltimore, Secretary of BESS, co-coordinator of the BESS submissive/slave SIG, co-coordinator of the BESS Education Team, and Coordinator and Team Leader/Producer of the BESS Charm City Fetish Fair event. She was presented with her leather by her slave sisters at the Charm City Fetish Fair event in April of 2009. orja was honored at the 2009 Master/slave Conference for her commitment to the M/s lifestyle and community at large. She received the prestigious 2009 slave Heart Award in recognition of her contributions. At the 2010 South Plains Leather Conference in Dallas, Texas, orja received the MAsT International 2009 Presenter of the Year Award. orja is service oriented and is proud to be of and in service to her Master. She was pleased to be a part of the 2010 Master/slave Conference and Master/slave Contest. Winning the contest, orja is the 2010 Northeast Region slave.

OUR NEXT MEETING
• Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

MAsT Metro NY presents: “How Did You Arrive At Your Current M/s Dynamic?”

(A big thank you to our facilitator james for providing us with this discussion starter!)

“You may ask yourself, well how did I get here?” – Talking Heads

Certainly this discussion belongs to everyone, those in an M/s relationship,
those formerly in one and those curious about what living in an M/s dynamic is
actually like.

This is not role play where the dynamic only lasts long enough until everyone
gets their jollies. This is about a journey, about hard work and commitment. And
responsibility from all sides.

Of course, many people begin as sexual partners, moving onto BDSM, then D/s and
evolving into M/s. But that is not everyone’s journey.

Some may actually yearn for M/s and try to get there on purpose. This to me is
almost a spiritual journey. People have always wanted to make sense of their
feelings and environment. Wanting to become part of something greater than
oneself is a common need and driving force.

There are many roadblocks to such a quest, most of which are internal. Chief for
me was first to sublimate my ego and list of wants for the Household, and then
the scariest of all, to surrender to a higher authority. No wonder then, that
the military and monastical orders are often cited as examples for an M/s
institution.

i always found it ironic that the thing i desired the most required surrender,
and that it was the one thing i resisted the hardest. i needed help, i couldn’t
do it on my own. Everyone is different, and hopefully the Master and slave can
help each other to forge a Household that is beneficial to everyone.

i have found that for me, i need a structure in which i feel secure, wanted and
needed, and that my efforts make a positive impact.

So how did i get here? From serving and helping and looking beyond my own
fantasies.

i hope to hear from all of you, all your many paths to M/s. Whether you have
made them reality or not.

Looking forward to Sunday, please join us!

After the meeting, we will continue our discussion, or just enjoy some social time, at Good Stuff Diner: 109 W. 14th St.For more information about MAsT Metro NY, please see our “About Us” page.

Hi everyone!

Our December meeting is traditionally a potluck-and-elections meeting, but we depend on everyone bringing something to make this special party a success.

Here are some suggestions about categories in which you might consider bringing items:

• Casseroles or lasagnas
• Veggies (raw or cooked) or any type of salads (leafy, pasta, veggie, bean, potato, etc.)
• Hors d’oeuvres like pigs-in-a-blanket, wontons, mini quiches etc.
• Nice bread with cheese and butter/margarine
• Guacamole and tortilla chips
• Chips and dip
• Crackers and cheese
• Beverages: Non-alcoholic egg nog, soda, water, seltzer, iced tea, coffee (depending on the weather, perhaps one or two or more of those coffee boxes from Dunkin’ Donuts?), and sugar/sweetener and milk/cream for the coffee
• Desserts: pies, cakes, cookies, brownies, puddings/mousses/flans, dried fruit, fresh fruit (grapes, berries, citrus, etc.), and whipped cream
• Festive Supplies: festive tablecloths, paper plates, napkins, silverware, and disposable cups (hot and cold)

The above are just suggestions to get your ideas started — anything you bring to the potluck will be greatly appreciated, so bring whatever feels right to you!

Please note that you do NOT have to be a member in order to attend the holiday potluck. Everyone is welcome. You do have to be a member in good standing in order to vote in the annual elections.

When you’ve decided what you’re bringing, please let me know and I’ll report back about what dishes we have and what we still need. Thanks! We look forward to seeing everyone soon!

Warm regards & happy holidays!

OUR NEXT MEETING

• Date: Sunday, November 7, 2010
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

Our Discussion Topic: Getting Started in M/s

(A big thank you to our facilitator james for providing us with this discussion starter!)

i think the first thing to do is to identify what is M/s, what do we take it to mean? What separates this dynamic from seemingly interchangeable relationship terms such as Master, slave; Top, bottom; Dominant, submissive; Sadist, masochist? True, M/s can encompass all these and more but what is so distinctive about M/s that calls to us?

Role playing and the BDSM arts are lots of fun, but when it ends, what do you have? i always felt myself yearning to belong, to be in a structured household. i wanted to have a place in a hierarchy, i knew that Masters and slaves are not equal but parts of a wonderful symbiosis. The slave may offer service, but the Master accepts it.

i saw that for an M/s relationship to exist, that it was much more than play. There had to be commitment, but more than that, there had to be responsibility from all parties. Only in such a strong structure could i as a slave be able to work on my goal of surrender to something greater than myself. Therein could i be a useful and productive member of a Household and at the same time feel fulfilled and happy.

It was when i met people like the members of MAsT who actually live what they talk about that i knew i had been practicing D/s rather than M/s. This is why our group is so valuable. M/s isn’t for everyone. It can be hard, it can be scary. But it is also what burns inside us.

Getting started in M/s? When you are intrigued by the possibilities and want to find out what may work for you, coming to MAsT every month is a great place to start. People share their experiences, ideas, and most of all, questions. As a slave, i find the slave circle to be a terrific support group as well.

as this topic is also about our personal journeys, i am looking forward to a great discussion!

After the meeting, we will continue our discussion, or just enjoy some social time, at Good Stuff Diner: 109 W. 14th St.For more information about MAsT Metro NY, please see our “About Us” page.

OUR NEXT MEETING
• Date: Sunday, October 3, 2010
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

MAsT Metro NY presents: Discipline, Punishment, Correction: Correcting Behavior

After the meeting, we will continue our discussion, or just enjoy some social time, at Good Stuff Diner: 109 W. 14th St.

If you identify as Mistress/Master/Owner or slave/property, MAsT may be for you!

MAsT: Metro NY is a pan-sexual chapter serving the New York/Tri-State areas, which welcomes all genders and orientations.

MAsT exists as an education, support and resource group for individuals involved in, or interested in, the Master/slave lifestyle. MAsT provides an opportunity and forum for like-minded individuals to come together for discussion of issues that concern Masters and slaves, to share ideas and gain and/or share knowledge of the Master/slave lifestyle. MAsT meetings are not about SM skills/techniques or sex but focus on the relationship of the Owner/property or Master/slave dynamic.

OUR NEXT MEETING

• Date: Sunday, September 12, 2010
• Time: 2:00PM – 5:00 PM
• Location: The Center 208 West 13th Street New York, NY (between 7th & 8th Avenues)

Our Discussion Topic: Subtle Enforcement of the Dynamic

Subtle. Not whips and chains and screaming in the night. Although that can be fun, this is the elegance of M/s.

Assuming that the Master wishes obedience and the slave wishes to obey, how can this dynamic be achieved and maintained?

Having a household structure is very important. the Master has a vision and puts it into place. Slaves need rules, a place to belong and someone in whom to put their trust. M/s is a symbiotic relationship.

But in spite of all our good intentions, sometimes the dynamic can go a little off course. How then can we avoid this?

After the meeting, we will continue our discussion, or just enjoy some social time, at Good Stuff Diner: 109 W. 14th St.

For more information about MAsT Metro NY, please see our “About Us” page.