November 2, 2014 discussion: Fiscal Responsibility and M/s

Please come and join us for another meeting of MAsT:MetroNY: A discussion group for people who identify or are interested in identifying as either Master/slave or Owner/property power exchange dynamics.
The following is a topic teaser for the November 2nd meeting:

When one thinks of the terms “Master” and “slave” one may often think of a very clearly delineated power structure wherein one person is in total charge and the other relinquishes their control. But does this control extend to finances? There have been many urban legends with regards to fiscal responsibility within the power exchange dynamic. As a result many questions have been raised.

Should the Owner be financial stable enough to provide full support to the one owned? Is it reasonable, particular in today’s economy, for a slave to expect to be fully supported by their Owner? What provision, if any, should be made for a wholly dependent slave for the possibility of dismissal? How would they then fend for themselves?

We have seen some Owners require “tribute” or financial remuneration for those in service to them. Though the perception is that it is commonly female identified Owners who do so, there are also some male identified Owners who do so as well. Is it ethical? Does their gender make a difference? Should it?

How much fiscal responsibility should be borne by the slave? Are they responsible for themselves? Should they be? And what happens in the case of accident or illness to either the Owner or the one owned? If the Owner is incapacitated and was the sole provider for the household what must be expected of the slave? What mechanisms must be put in place before one becomes and Owner or owned? If one does not have extensive resources available for contingencies does that mean that they are not qualified to be a Master?

During the many years I have been in this lifestyle I have heard a variety of viewpoints, many of which have stirred a bit of controversy. In a lifestyle that is considered “alternative” do we use mainstream sensibilities to determine how we address issues of fiduciary responsibility or should we use an alternative formula.

Masters and Slaves Together Metro New York chapter will discuss this matter at its next meeting on Sunday, November 2, 2014 at the LGBT Center at 208 West 13th Street, NYC, between 7th and 8th Aves. From 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm. The admission is $4 for members, $5 for reciprocal members and $8 for all others.

Please be advised that there will be an extensive business meeting which may shorten the regular length of the discussion for this meeting.

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October 5th Discussion: Getting What you want from M/s

Please come and join us for another meeting of MAsT:MetroNY: A discussion group for people who identify or are interested in identifying as either Master/slave or Owner/property power exchange dynamics.

This month’s topic will be

**Getting what you want from M/s**

The following topic starter is not the general opinion of the entire group and is meant only to help generate opinions and discussions for the meeting:

Getting what you want from a relationship is never easy. Adding a power exchange makes it even harder. We tend to have specific desires, both superficial and spiritual. We are taught from a young age to treat people as you wish to be treated. If we try to use this principal in our relationships we would get no where. The “s” type would be filled with resentment. If they are giving so much to their “M” why are they not getting that in return.

How do we make it so we achieve our wants without damaging the dynamic?

I think wants and desires change and fluctuate as time passes. If we’re not getting what we want then have we picked the wrong person or are we just not being flexible with our wants? Wants such as structure, financial stability or routine can be mapped out to best fulfill them. Spiritual wants, such as complete surrender, are not that easy. How can one map out what they’re feeling will be or where their mindset will be in the future?

What is it that we are looking for when we seek M/s dynamic? What do we want to gain from that relationship and what do we want to give in return? But just answering these questions will only get you so far. You need to be able to then successfully communicate this with each other.

Please come and discuss this topic with other people that share the similar interests in Power Exchange and M/s dynamics as you.

Masters and slaves Together (MAsT) Metro New York will be meeting at the LGBT Center located at 208 West 13th Street between 7th and 8th Aves., NYC from 2 – 5 pm. Admission is only $4 for MAsT members, $5 for reciprocal group members and $8 for all others

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Sept. 7th Meeting: Masters without slaves, slaves without Masters: In the Meantime

It has been said by some that one cannot be a Master unless one has a slave. The converse has also been heard. But is that true? Is that like saying there can be no black without white?

At some time during our involvement in this lifestyle there will be a time when we are not attached or in a power exchange dynamic. What should we do then? Should we actively search for one to fill that void? Would that time be better spent in self reflection? Would this be the time to work on our skills? Would it be the time to define what it is that we are truly searching for in an M/s relationship? Should Masters take that time to consider the difference between their wants and needs? Should they revisit the type of leadership they wish to provide and the style of management they wish to employ? Should slaves seek to learn skills they believe will make them more useful? Should they concentrate on their own personal growth and development or explore just what type of slave they seek to be and what type of Master would be best for this? Is there anything wrong with being without a Master or slave for a period of time? Or is it true that one cannot be a Master without a slave or a slave without a Master?

Join us to discuss these questions and more on the subject.

Masters and slaves Together (MAsT) Metro New York will be meeting at the LGBT Center located at 208 West 13th Street between 7th and 8th Aves., NYC from 2 – 5 pm. Admission is only $4 for MAsT members, $5 for reciprocal group members and $8 for all others

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August 3rd Meeting Topic Starter: Sacred Trust: Responsibilities of the Master and the slave

The dictionary gives us several definitions of responsibility that all can be relative to the power exchange dynamic. It is defined as “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.: It uses as synonyms “authority, control, power, leadership.” In this sense Masters have a level of responsibility, indeed, a duty to deal with those in their charge. It is not simply power or authority, but one must lead. One must use the power and control over that other to guide and inform, to teach and train, and to craft an environment wherein the other can thrive and learn and grow.

Another definition of responsibility is “the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.” We like to say that ultimately the Master is responsible for everything within the relationship. The buck stops with the Owner and everything done by the property reflects upon the Owner. To an extent this is true because the Master sets guidelines and enforces them. The Master crafts an environment. Yet slaves must also have a measure of responsibility. They must be made accountable for there actions or inaction. While they may enjoy taking to the credit for a job well done, they must also be able to take the blame when they fall short. They must be responsible for their compliance or lack thereof.

A third definition of responsibility is “the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.” Yes, a Master must be a decision maker, possessing the ability to act without consensus, and to do so decisively. On the other hand, a slave must be capable of acting in the best interests of the Master without having to ask permission or consult on every single detail. A slave should be able to act in a manner that brings benefit and positive result for the Master, just as the Master sets up a situation to allow the slave to complete missions and add positively to the household.

How do you feel about the matter? Do you agree or disagree? Join us in this discussion!

The discussion takes place at the LGBT Center at 208 West 13th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues, from 2 – 5 pm. The cost is only $4 for members, $5 for members of reciprocal groups and $8 for others.

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July 13th meeting topic starter:What do you want from your M/s relationship?

What do you want from your M/s relationship?

A simple question like what do you want in a relationship can be difficult to answer. But what do you want from your M/s relationship can be even more daunting. I was once challenged to write the answer that question. The curser continued to blink waiting for me to start typing something, mocking me. one would think that answers would roll of the tongue, from the top side control, obedience and service. So too from the bottom side control, accountability and service might be said. But these answers can be equated to the answers given to the question at beauty pageants, what is the one thing society need most?

The answer, world peace of course.

A M/s relationships is not the same as a marriage but buzz words like love, honor and obey can sound like the same words used in answering the question of what you want from your M/s relationship? Although this is answering some of the questions it’s not really answering the deeper question. We need to scratch the surface to get to the deeper meaning of what we really want. Before we approach this kind of dynamic it’s important to be able to explain the meaning of the words we are saying we want. Masters need to be challenged to explain what is meant by control? Likewise slaves they need to have an understanding of what they mean by accountability.

So what do you want from your M/s relationship? If you’re single do you figure it out what you want before you enter into one? If you’re already coupled and want to move in that direction, how do you approach it to figure it out?

And then the real work begins maintaining it.

Join us July 13th The LGBTQ Center
208 West 13th Street, New York, NY between 7th and 8th Aves.
(See the bulletin board for the room number)

Cost: $4 MAsT: Metro NY members, $5 reciprocal organizations, $8 all others

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June 1, 2014 meeting topic starter: Reconciling M/s Structure to Acccomodate Change

When most of us enter into a power exchange structure, we generally have specific ideas of what it is that we want and need, what protocols we want established and what direction the relationship is to take. But no matter how much we may outline and whatever contingency plans we may prepare to effect, there are always invariables.

Things change. People become older and may not be able to do the things they once did as Masters or as slaves. Illness or disability can set in which can change the ability of a Master or slave to do what they once did within the relationship. The household structure can change. There could be new additions. Someone may leave the household or be dismissed. There could be a change in the biological family with the addition of children, through birth, or the acquisition of a household member with familial obligations or through the illness of a family member.

With this in mind, how to we accommodate change? How do we deal with the addition of new members of the household? How do we handle it when someone leaves the household? Is it different if they leave on their own than when they are dismissed? What is done by and for the remaining household members? How does the Master handle it when their slave is no longer in the household? What do we do when someone can no longer handle responsibilities to the degree they once did? How do we deal with the addition of vanilla family members or their issues? How do we handle the aging of a Master or of a slave? How do we go about accommodating change in such a way to maintain the stability and viability of the hierarchical relationship(s)?

Join us on Sunday, June 1, 2014 at 2 pm at Joria Studios at 260 West 36th Street, 3rd floor, NYC between 7th and 8th Aves when we discuss these issues. Please note the location change.
The price is $4 for members, $5 for members of reciprocal groups and $8 for all others

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May 4th, 2014 Meeting Topic Starter

Service: Fantasy vs. Reality

One of the first things we think about when we mention a Master/slave relationship is service. There are many views on service but how do we distinguish fantasy from reality? Many of us have read books like “The Marketplace” series and look at those views of service. Others recall the “Sleeping Beauty” trilogy and let that inform their ideas of service. Some watch “Upstairs Downstairs” and “Downton Abbey” as ideals of service. Others watch “The Flower drum Song” or “Memoirs of a Geisha.” Still others look at the military model of “Honor, Duty, Service” as a guide. And a few read stories of harems or watch “I Dream of Jeannie”.

The dictionary defines service as “an act of helpful activity; help; aid”. But is it more than that? It seems so when we look at the emphasis on service in the Master/slave community. We may hear a person say “I am a service slave or submissive”. We have heard Owners and potential Owners speak of the need of good service. So then we must ask the following questions:
• What are some of the fantasies that some have about service?
• When someone says they are “service oriented” or “service slaves”, what does that mean?
• Does a person have to be doing what is requested of their Owner to be considered as performing service?
• If slaves do something solely because of the enjoyment that they get out of it, is it service?
• Is the intent behind the service more important than the service itself?
• What does service mean to you as an Owner or as one who serves?
• Can Owners perform service also? If so, then how?
• Is it the special things like tea service or chauffeuring or preparing gourmet meals or is it the more mundane like cleaning the bathroom and doing the laundry?
• Can sex be a service?
• What are some of the misconceptions that people have about service?
• What is the reality about service within a power exchange dynamic?
• Is there any one model of service that encompasses all that is necessary within the Master/slave dynamic?
• How do the aforementioned models (Victorian, military, Middle Ages, etc.) work in real life?
• What are the requirements of service in your household?
• Are they formal or informal?
• Were there any preconceived notions that had to be corrected on either side of the slash and how was that done?

Join us at Purple Passion/DV8, the LGBT Center, 208 West 13th Street, NYC between 7th and 8th Aves., from 2 – 5 pm.
The price is $4 for members, $5 for members of reciprocal groups and $8 for all others.

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Sunday, April 6th meeting: “The Gift of Mastery…”

The gift of mastery and what masters get out of it, are masters vulnerable. And how are masters mindful in their position?

Often times we hear of “the gift of submission” . But when we think of Mastery is it a gift? Can anyone be a Master if they simply put their minds to it?

Many of us think of Mastery in terms of Total Power Exchange, i.e., one person has final say in all matters and there is no debate. How does one come to this point? Is this a selfish viewpoint? Are people who seek Mastery narcissists, control freaks or egomaniacal bullies hell bent upon imposing their will upon another?

What does one get out of being a Master? After all you are not only in charge but responsible, not just for what you say or do, but also for what the other people in your charge say and do. How is such responsibility beneficial and/or rewarding?
Doesn’t this responsibility make one vulnerable? After all, the people in your charge have relinquished their will and are acting on your instructions. Isn’t that a burden when things don’t go quite as expected? Doesn’t that leave one open for second guessing or vulnerable to criticism? And since none of us is perfect, what happens when a mistake is made? How can that affect the view of a slave (sub) toward the Owner?

The dictionary defines “mindfulness” as “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something” or “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique”. How does this apply to Mastery? In what ways can one be “mindful” as an Owner?

Join us for this discussion.

The LGBTQ Center
208 West 13th Street, New York, NY between 7th and 8th Aves.
(See the bulletin board for the room number)

Cost: $4 MAsT: Metro NY members, $5 reciprocal organizations, $8 all others

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March 2, 2014 meeting: Jealousy and Envy in M/s: How to Navigate the Waters

The following is a topic teaser, a bid to provoke some thought ahead of our March 2, 2014 meeting.

According to www.diffen.com, “The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is an emotion related to coveting what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.”

According to www.vocabulary.com, “Envy requires two parties, like you and that neighbor, when you want her new car and you wish you were the one riding around with the top down. You feel envy when you want something someone else has”, whereas “Jealousy requires three parties, like you, your neighbor, and your husband, when not only do you wish you had that cool car, but you’re worried your husband is going to ride off into the sunset in it without you. Jealousy is exciting because it shows up in lovers’ triangles and Shakespeare’s plays.”

With these definitions in mind let us ask ourselves these questions:

Are jealousy and envy ever positive attributes?
Are they rooted in insecurity or are they simply human nature?
Is it proper for an Owner or Master to foment feelings of jealousy or envy in their charge?
Do these feelings help or hinder a power exchange dynamic? Explain.
Are these feelings inevitable and simply something to be managed or can they be eliminated?
Is the impetus on the Owner to discourage such feelings or is it something the slave must find within them to alleviate?
Can these feelings be used in a way that can strengthen and refine a relationship?
Are these feelings exacerbated in a poly setting or are they independent of any particular power exchange dynamic?
Can these attributes be manifested by Owners/Masters, etc, and if so, what does it say about them?
If it is the Master who presents in this way what can be done to mitigate those feelings by either party involved?
If you are a slave/submissive, how do you handle it when it appears someone is approaching your Owner/Master? If an Owner/Master, how do you deal with the approach of someone outside of your relationship in order to prevent feelings of jealousy?
As an Owner/Master, how do you deal with someone who seems to be coveting your property or approaching them with a desire to woo them away? How does the object of such attention deal with it?

This promises to be an interesting discussion! Join us!

We meet at the LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St., NYC btwn 7th & 8th
Time: 2pm – 5pm Cost: $4 Members, $5 Reciprocal, $8 Others

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Feb. 2, 2014: Toni Solenne: “Backwards by Design:Household Structure and Purpose”

This Sunday, February 2, 2014, MAsT Metro NY is privileged to present “Backwards by Design: Household Structure and Purpose” with Toni Solenne.

Toni Solenne, Ed. D. is an author, accomplished speaker, spiritual leader, counselor and Leatherwoman. She is the Mid-Atlantic Leatherwoman 2012 and the current co-director of MAsT Allentown and past co-director of MAsT Laurel Women. She has penned a series of erotic and title based short stories and is currently working on a Special Project for The Carter-Johnson Leather Library writing about her experiences as Mid-Atlantic Leatherwoman 2012 and collating the results of 30 Leatherwoman roundtable discussions during her 25 city tour to be published this year. She lives the leather lifestyle 24/7 as the Head of her Household consisting of one female submissive/partner, one female slave, and two submissive women in service part-time.

This thread is a topic starter for this interesting discussion.

In real time Power Exchange relationships and households structure can be the glue that attracts and holds the entire thing together. How does that happen? Must the structure be in place before creating a household, or must the structure be determined by the type of people within it? Is there a template that forms a basic structure that can be tweaked for individual nuances or should it be constructed on a case base case basis, based upon the individuals involved and the needs and wants of the Head of Household?
Like any relationship, power exchange relationships are a combination of structure and chemistry. The difference is often its hierarchical nature and the vision of the household’s creator. With that in mind we could ask if developing a structure should be an organic thing, incorporating the connection and interaction of the parties involved, or should the structure exist before that, with an idea toward finding those who most adequately and successfully fit into the Head of Household’s vision and goals.

Like seemingly everything else in our community, there are varying opinions on what constitutes structure and how rigid it should be. There are some with very strict guidelines that are meticulously enforced and others that seem to be more organic with little obvious structure. But is that the reality of it or simply the way it appears from the outside looking in?

Keeping in line with the title of Toni Solenne’s discussion, it would seem that the design of one’s household should not only have structure but purpose. Should one have a goal or aim in mind when forming a household and should that goal inform the structure? Should the structure of the household be a means to an end?

What do you think?

Sir Guy
MAsT Metro NY facilitator

We meet at the LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St., NYC btwn 7th & 8th Aves
Time: 2pm – 5pm
Cost: $4 Members, $5 Reciprocal, $8 Others

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